Episode Fourteen: The Melting Russian Affair
As soon as Guy was certain his visitor was asleep, he got out of bed. He waited to see if Nikolai stirred when his weight left the bed, but Nikolai’s body stayed unmoving. Guy went to the bathroom. He pissed, showered, and he dressed again. No matter what he did, his body felt numb. It was as if Nikolai sucked his soul out of him, he decided.
The aging assassin opened the bathroom door as he brushed his teeth. In the light from the doorway, he watched Nikolai sleep. The secret agent murmured under his breath and turned away from the light. Guy spotted a bare ankle and the heel of his foot out of the sheets. It wasn’t often Nikolai showed his feet. Guy stepped closer and watched the way the shadow crawled across his companion’s body. Nikolai’s face appeared pensive, his eyebrows were knitted together and his lips moved gently. Guy would never understand how a deep sleeper could become a secret agent.
He knew he could lean over and strangle Nikolai to death. Nikolai would try to kick him and hit back, but Guy knew he would hold strong. Hell, Guy could walk over and get his gun and just shoot the bastard. Nikolai’s face relaxed, a smile twitching in the corners of his lips. Guy felt himself smiling back.
Guy went to the hotel drawers and pulled out his ankle holster. He put his Luger into it and then pulled down his pant leg. He slid on his leather jacket and tried to close the drawer quietly, but even when the drawer slammed shut, Nikolai failed to stir. Grabbing the cheap hotel notepad, Guy wrote in the light from the bathroom, “Off on a job. Don’t leave. Be back soon.”
He pulled the bathroom door nearly shut so only a sliver of light escaped. He waited for his brown eyes to adjust to the darkness, and then he walked over to the nightstand to toss the notepad onto it. The assassin took the time to stare at the lump in the sheets where Nikolai lay. He was so still and stiff, Guy thought he could have been dead.
And he wondered if everything would be easier for him if Nikolai were.
He walked out of the hotel room, making sure the door didn’t slam shut behind him. He stepped out of the hotel, feeling the crisp, evening air brush against the stubble on his face. As he walked, he peeked into the small shops cluttering the street that he passed. When he stared into the window of a used books store (debating whether or not to go in), he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand at attention. He turned around to search for the source, and he found a pair of deep brown eyes burrowing into him.
Jackie Grier sat in a coffee shop. She grasped a bagel in one hand, and her other bore a stiff wave. Guy smiled. He lied about not wanting to fuck Jackie. He recalled the week he spent trying to bed her. He still remembered the citrusy smell of her hairspray, and the feeling of her punch into his stomach. Her hands were small and bony, which made them that much more piercing. He gave up after the second punch, but he still respected her while appreciating her hard physical appearance. He still liked her, and he accepted that she was one body he wouldn’t be conquering.
Guy walked into the coffee shop and leaned against Grier’s table. “Did you want to talk to me?” Guy asked. “Or were you just being polite?”
“Polite,” Grier replied, “though I’m curious. Where’s Nikolai?”
“Sleeping,” Guy said. “I don’t know what it is, but sex always knocks him out.”
“Gross,” Grier said, looking down on her bagel. “Stop there please.”
Guy drummed his fingers on the table and watched Grier for a moment. She ate her bagel while her eyes scanned the folded newspaper. He left her to grab a coffee, and when he came back, she had the newspaper opened with it sprawling out over the table. He sat across from her, and her eyes rose to meet his own. “Are you here to tell me why you didn’t say Kuryakin’s name when he had his gun up your ass?” she asked.
Taking off the lid of his coffee, Guy shook his head. “I’m still working on that,” Guy said. “I was wondering if you knew why Nikolai,” he paused to think of a phrase and ultimately continued, “well, why Nikolai clings to me.”
Jackie shrugged. “He clings to me too,” she said. “I mean, I don’t push him away like you do, but he likes bringing me over to his house and he’s fairly affectionate. He likes to be touched. And don’t give me that look, Guy Solo. I mean normal everyday touches, like a handshake or a playful punch.” She paused and then added, “Sometimes I hug him. He seems to like hugs.”
She took a bite of her bagel, and Guy waited while she chewed. She continued, “It surprised me when I first started noticing it. I mean, we’ve only been partners for a few months, but we talk every night, and when he listens I can tell he’s just eating up every word I say to file it away and remember for later. What have you noticed about him?”
Guy flippantly waved his hand at Jackie. “Oh, I don’t know. He likes to cuddle, I guess. I don’t so I kind of push him away.”
“But he insists?”
“Sometimes, and sometimes he gives me my space.”
Jackie shook her head and took another bite of her bagel. Guy stared at the cream cheese in the corner of her mouth as she said, “Well, I couldn’t tell you why he likes you. There’s very little likeable about you.”
“Hey now,” Guy said. “I’m handsome and charming.”
“That’s debatable,” Grier replied, pointing at Guy with her bagel.
“You have cream cheese on your face.”
Guy tried motioning to Grier as to the location of the cream cheese, and Grier wiped it off with her thumb in one try. She continued, “I can just tell you what I’ve noticed about Nikolai.”
“I’m beginning to think that Nikolai’s kind of like a stray cat. I mean, you think he likes to be alone but you keep feeding him and he keeps coming back for more and you both get more and more used to each other’s company until he’s sitting in your lap and you’re cleaning his shit.”
Guy grinned. “You’re still mad that he hadn’t told you about me?”
“You’re damn right I’m still mad,” Jackie said. “As soon as I think I know the guy, another big secret just drops into my lap.”
“Another?” Guy asked. “What other secret?”
Jackie scoffed. “Well, it’s not a huge secret or anything,” Jackie said. “It’s about why he was exiled. I think he should tell you himself, though. It’s not my place to say anything, but you might learn something you need to know about him.”
“Need?” Guy asked.
Grier shrugged and said, “Maybe you should tell me what you like about him.”
“Aside from the sex?” Guy asked.
“Yes, do not talk about that.”
“Well, there’s nothing else to talk about,” Guy said, stretching.
“Why were you out walking?”
“Oh, I have a job in the area,” Guy replied and checked his watch. He still had some time to spare with Jackie.
“Okay, well let’s consider that,” Jackie replied, knitting her fingers together as she leaned forward to stare at Guy. “Let’s say you died on this job tonight.”
Guy scoffed. “It’s an easy job.”
“Nonetheless,” Jackie replied. “How would you feel knowing that you spent your last free moments with Nikolai?”
“Well, I actually spent my last free moments with you,” Guy replied, raising a brow.
“Intimate moments, then,” Jackie replied.
“You mean this isn’t intimate?” Guy asked.
Guy sighed. He raised his eyes to the stuccoed ceiling as he thought of Nikolai. He thought of his nails digging into Nikolai’s muscular back, and he examined the dry blood under his nails. He picked it out from under his fingernails as he said, “It would be all right, I guess. I mean, it’s better than being with no one.”
“I’m sure Nikolai would swoon after hearing that,” Grier replied, keeping her voice thick with sarcasm. “So you’re really just after Nikolai for the sex then? I just can’t see you going as far as letting Nikolai torture you for a good lay.”
“Oh, that’s because he’s a great lay,” Guy said. “A fantastic lay.”
Grier raised her brows sceptically. Guy sipped at his coffee. Jackie continued, “Okay, so let’s say this job you’re doing tonight, you know you’re going to die. You have some sort of spidey-sense that tells you ‘the devil is going to fuck me tonight.’ However, if you don’t do the job, it means you have to be with Nikolai forever.”
“That’s unrealistic,” Guy said. “I won’t participate in this scenario for a number of reasons, a big one being that I don’t like Marvel and I would be DC’s Batman, not Spiderman. Actually, I’d probably be some kick-ass Vertigo character instead.”
“Oh come on,” Jackie said. “You’re practically dripping with Marvel melodrama. You’re a fucking middle-aged Spiderman still trying to squeeze into his tights.”
“No, I’m definitely Miller’s Batman. Not Year One, I mean eighties Dark Knight shit. That Batman’s older than me.”
“Barely. And does that make Nikolai Carrie Kelly?”
“Does Nikolai like comics?” Guy asked.
Grier rubbed her temples. “Maybe you should spend some time talking to Nikolai,” she said, “and actually get to know him.”
“No, thank you,” Guy replied. “If you must know, I would pick death. Come on, Grier. You must be able to understand this a little bit. You and I are solitary creatures. We run our own lives, we don’t need anyone clinging to us.”
Grier shrugged. “I don’t mind Nikolai clinging to me, and I don’t need him stroking my libido all the time.”
“He makes me feel like I’m drowning,” Guy said. “Every time I’m with him, I feel like I’m sinking deeper and deeper into something I don’t want to be in. And it feels warm and cozy until I remember that it’s filling my lungs and soon I won’t be able to breathe at all.”
Grier grinned. “So Nikolai makes you feel warm and cozy?”
“Fuck off,” Guy said.
Grier softened, her face turning serious. “Do you think Kuryakin’s going to kill you?”
Guy ran a hand nervously through his salt and pepper hair. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel safe with him, like irrationally safe. When he came to see me after he tortured me, he hugged me and I thought ‘okay, everything is going to be okay,’ despite the fact that I’m in a corporation where people like me go missing every day and it’s all swept up neatly so no one notices or gives a shit. And other times I’m not even sure who I’m seeing in his face, do you ever see that?”
“Sometimes,” Grier said. “He’s different in his house than he is at work.”
“Anyway, none of that matters. Because I don’t want to be with any one person. It could be a saint or something, and I still couldn’t do it. It’s just not for me.”
Grier simply nodded. Guy stared at her, running his eyes along her sharp features, her high eyebrows. He wondered when she became a good listener. He wondered what Nikolai liked best about her. He considered whether or not he could convince them to have a threesome with him. He thought of Nikolai’s pasty skin against Jackie’s rich skin. Then he thought of Grier’s punch pierce through the fantasy and into his gut. Or maybe the cream in his coffee went bad.
“So then, Solo, what’s the answer to the million dollar question?”
“Why didn’t you say Nikolai’s name?”
Guy exhaled and he ripped off pieces of a napkin as he spoke: “I wanted to. Grier, you know I wanted to say his god damn name. But I guess deep down I knew the kid risked everything to try to save me, and it’s debatable whether or not I needed saving, but still he stuck his neck out for me, and not a lot of people do that.”
The assassin wiped the pieces of napkin together so that they sat neatly in a pile. He watched them and continued, “If I said his name A.B.E.L. would have just made him disappear, right? He’s already been exiled once, and I assume it’s something big since it sounds like he’s been gone for a while. Grier, you and I both know if I said his name, chances were A.B.E.L. would kill him.”
“They might have just sent him to another division,” Jackie said, flippantly. Guy raised his eyes to look at Grier. She stiffened and frowned. She said, “All right, okay, they probably would have killed him. So you’re just repaying the favour then? And you say Nikolai owes you just because you want more sex?”
Guy smiled softly and shrugged. He lied about that too. He didn’t want a favour in return. He just wanted to keep fucking Nikolai with as little strings as possible. “I couldn’t tell you, Grier. I wanted to say his name and I didn’t. And when I came here to meet him I wanted to tell him to fuck off, we’re even, but I just couldn’t leave him like that.
“So what do you think I should do?” Guy asked. “Should I tell him to fuck off and hope he goes away? Or should I hang around until he gets bored of me.” Guy glanced at his watch and realized he was running out of time.
Jackie frowned. “I can’t really tell you,” she said. “Honestly, I thought me and him weren’t keeping any secrets anymore, but I guess not. Maybe I don’t know him like I thought I did. So I guess I don’t think I know him well enough to know how he would react. I get the feeling that Nikolai’s the type to just set down his roots and let them grow, but he’s ended partnerships before in A.B.E.L. when he knew they couldn’t work together. Maybe it’d just be better to let the relationship run its course, but you’d risk getting his roots around your neck.”
Guy smirked. “You know, I never thought I’d die by a scorned lover. That would be okay in my books too, but it’d have to be a big explosion. If it was a stabbing or a shooting, I’d want it right in the heart – all romantic like.”
“Nikolai would probably be more efficient,” Jackie said, “and subtle.”
“Well then another scorned lover will just have to kill me,” Guy said, standing up. He picked up his coffee and said, “I’m running late. I liked this talk.”
“I did too,” Grier replied. She wore a smile that showed a row of bright, white teeth. “You might want to consider letting me pick your brain another time.”
“No,” Guy said. “Next time, I pick your brain. Unless you want to screw.”
“I do not, Mr. Solo.”
“Never hurts to ask,” Guy replied.
Grier shot him a deadly look, her brown eyes narrowing. “You forget who you’re talking to.”
Guy grinned and walked from the coffee shop, comfortable with not having the last word. He started walking to his position, but found his legs pulling him faster into a speed walk. His thoughts drifted back to Nikolai. What if this was his last night? He recalled Nikolai’s kisses growing hungrier, lingering on his lips as his hand pulled his head against his own. He thought of how Nikolai could be rough and gentle, and he could almost feel Nikolai’s warm breath against his ear as he broke out into a run.
He decided as far as last thoughts went, these were just fine.
Guy took a deep breath and stared at the hotel door. He could hear his heart pounding as if it were beside his ear instead of tucked neatly into his chest. But his heart didn’t rush because of his kill – it pumped fiercely for the secret agent on the other side of the door. Guy blinked, and then he slid the key in and opened the door.
He found Nikolai stretched out on the bed, reading. He stared at the way the blonde’s socked ankles folded together, and he wondered why Nikolai took the time to get dressed. Nikolai stood up as Guy stepped closer. “A quick escape?” he asked.
Well, at least he knew why Nikolai got dressed. Guy replied, “Not today, Mr. Kuryakin.”
Nikolai helped Guy take off his jacket. He saw the blood across Guy’s pale blue shirt. His eyes rose to Guy’s, but Guy replied, “Not mine,” and smiled.
“We should remove it,” Nikolai said, his face serious.
Nikolai began unbuttoning his shirt, his warm fingers fawning over the assassin’s hairy chest. Nikolai kissed Guy’s neck as he pulled the shirt off of Guy’s back.
Guy noticed that each time he saw Nikolai, Nikolai’s kisses lasted a little longer, his hugs were a little tighter, his fingers a little softer. Guy wondered when Nikolai degenerated from a strong man into this affectionate thing that kissed him now. He frowned.
Guy put a hand on Nikolai’s head as Nikolai began kissing the center of his chest. “Stop,” Guy said, tightening his grip in his hair.
“If we’re going to make this work, maybe we should lay down some ground rules,” Guy said.
Nikolai tilted his head and nuzzled into Guy’s black chest hair. His hands crept across Guy’s back and he said, “No discussing work.”
“Right,” Guy said. “We both want privacy in those areas. I mean, we can say something if I’m out on a job or whatever, but no specifics, nothing about who it was or who it was for, okay?”
“Okay,” Nikolai replied, smiling against Guy’s nipple.
Guy pried Nikolai’s hands off his back as he said, “If we see each other in a work setting, we just act as if we’ve only met each other the once, of course.”
“Of course,” Nikolai agreed.
“And let’s not get too personal, okay?”
Nikolai visibly stiffened. “I assume you mean nothing more personal than screwing.”
“Exactly,” Guy replied. Guy grinned, and the corners of Nikolai’s mouth turned down into a frown. Guy softened and said, “I just mean – let’s just,” his voice trailed off, recognizing the flickers of anger crossing Nikolai’s face. He cupped Nikolai’s cheeks in his hands and he said, “I just don’t want us to get hurt by becoming too attached. Work comes first for both of us, right?”
“So you understand my point.”
A small, somewhat sheepish smile snuck onto Nikolai’s face. “I understand perfectly,” Nikolai replied. “I will not let things get too personal.”
Guy suspected Nikolai of lying, but kissed him nonetheless. He felt Nikolai’s teeth sink into his lower lip and thought about how perfect Nikolai would be if he didn’t insist on clinging like he did. Guy wished their relationship turned back to how it was on the cruise. Nikolai began tracing his lips down Guy’s neck, sending a shiver through Guy. His pants suddenly felt too tight and too hot. Guy traced one hand down Nikolai’s back and the other into the blonde’s hair.
Twisting his fingers tightly into Nikolai’s hair, Guy said, “We haven’t been rough in a while.”
Nikolai softly replied against Guy’s neck, “I thought you did not approve of me ‘getting off’ on such things.”
“It’s one thing when we’re playing,” Guy said, “and it’s another thing when you’ve decided to beat the shit out of me.”
Nikolai nuzzled his chest again, his lips on a nipple. “I apologize again,” Nikolai murmured. “Do you want me to spend the night apologizing?”
Guy rolled his eyes. He was tired of soft apologies. “How about revenge?”
He felt Nikolai hesitate against him. “Do you intend to test my pain tolerance?”
“No,” Guy replied. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Guy squatted down, and Nikolai followed suit so they would be face-to-face. They weren’t face-to-face often, with Nikolai’s eyes often towering over Guy’s, but Guy found a certain excitement and strength looking at Nikolai head-on. “I want you,” Guy started, reaching toward his ankle. Nikolai watched as Guy pulled his gun out. “I want you to stand up.”
Nikolai stood up. “I wondered where you kept your gun today.”
“I didn’t say I wanted you to speak,” Guy said, keeping his gun pointed at Nikolai.
“Your earlier remark suggests you have no intention of hurting me.”
Nikolai felt Guy’s gun dig into his chest. “I killed one man with this gun today,” Guy said. “You probably wouldn’t feel a lot of pain if I killed you.”
“Okay, okay,” Nikolai responded. “I am standing. What more do you want?”
“I want it all,” Guy replied. “Undress.”
“Slowly?” Nikolai asked, raising a brow.
“You’re killing the mood for me, Niko.”
Nikolai muttered a sorry as he quickly stripped off his clothes. He then took the time to fold them and set them on the dresser. As an afterthought, he took of his socks, feeling the stiff, grungy hotel carpet dig between his toes.
“Kneel on the floor.”
Nikolai complied, though he did not approve of the carpet on his knees. Nikolai felt the gun in his hair. It was still warm. “Tell me something,” Guy said.
“You respond too quickly,” Guy said. “I want to know something specific.”
This time Nikolai hesitated and tried not to pout. He only responded quickly because he wanted to please Guy.
“What did you do with my cold Russian lover?”
Nikolai raised his head to look at Guy. “Pardon me?”
Guy grabbed the other side of Nikolai’s face, and Nikolai felt the gun dig into his scalp. “I asked you a question.”
“I do not understand,” Nikolai replied, his voice quickening, “I am sorry, I do not understand.”
“I used to have a Russian Lover,” Guy started, tilting Nikolai’s chin upwards to look him in the eye. “He’d pin me in the shower, he’d be a little rough, and he’d be indifferent to me. He felt no need to coddle me or show affection. I know you took him.”
Nikolai searched for the words, his eyes scanning Guy.
“Is it all a show?” Guy asked. “The American tourist. The cold Russian. The ruthless interrogator. The affectionate lover. My Mr. Wetsuit. Where is the real Nikolai Kuryakin?”
Nikolai felt rage try to spark in him, but an emptiness swallowed it. He had never cared who Nikolai Kuryakin was, so long as he was a good agent. And being a good agent meant being a lot of people, so he became a lot of people.
He thought of Jackie’s long fingernails through his hair. He supposed he felt most like himself around her, where she would humour and agree with his impulses and aggressions. She was affectionate with him too, and she often touched his arm or his hair while they sat together. And he’d stare into her black eyes, and he wouldn’t see lust or desire there. He’d simply see an endless warmth, and he knew she’d look at her parent’s Rhodesian Ridgeback in the same manner, but he didn’t mind. He appreciated the gentle touches, her big painted fingernails, her sharp features, and sharper tongue.
He looked forward to the mornings when Jackie would spot the bags under his eyes, and she’d ask, “You need a hug, Niko?”
And she’d twist her fingers into his hair and he’d bury his face in hers, her fruity hairspray stiff against his face, the scent storming his nostrils. And he treasured those moments when his hard partner would show him this affection. And he’d return it with a gentle touch on her elbow or an arm stretched out behind her. He always wondered if she needed the hugs more than he did, but it never felt right to ask, and she always seemed so confident in her singularity, so full of life. She wasn’t an empty shell like he was. Her face was a constantly shifting organism, easy to read and often easier to please, at least for him anyway.
Why hadn’t he told her about Guy Solo? He stared at Guy’s frown and he couldn’t quite explain his silence to Jackie. Maybe he simply wanted something just between he and Guy – a storyline with only the two of them and no supporting cast. He’d been foolish to think they’d ever have that, he could see that now.
Nikolai thought of how Jackie and he often pretended to be a couple when they had a mission, and their hands would be joined. Nikolai would feel her warmth shoot through his body. And she’d squeeze his hand if she thought he was nervous or if he should pay attention to something specific or if he needed to stop walking or if she was simply bored and wanted him to glance down at her so she could make a face at him.
He thought about how one small squeeze of the hand could mean so many things to Jackie, and how all these positions Guy liked trying with Nikolai during sex only meant lust to him.
But Guy hadn’t said his name during torture. It couldn’t be just sex anymore. It wasn’t to him. And because it wasn’t to him, he wanted to show that extra affection. He wanted to squeeze Guy’s hand and show him all the different things it meant.
Guy made him want to have a permanent identity. Guy made him want to be his Nikolai Kuryakin. He didn’t want to be just Mr. Wetsuit, he wanted to be a man with both a past and a future with Guy Solo.
He pushed the gun away from his head and stood up, Guy raising his head to follow him. “This is me,” he said, suddenly very aware of his nudity. “Some of my colleagues think I am an empty shell, but I am here and I have a voice and I have desires too.”
Guy looked at him, petrified. This was the relationship talk he was dreading. He just wanted their smooth cruise sailing to return. But now he might as well shoot himself and get it all over with.
“So you want to know what happened to your cold Russian, your sexy Mr. Wetsuit,” Nikolai said, running his fingers along the bed comforter. “You happened to him. You survived the cold when it bit the worst. You melted the ice.”
Nikolai stretched out on the bed. Guy felt rooted into his position.
“You do not have to like it,” he continued. “You can still walk away.”
Guy stared hard at him. He definitely wanted to walk away.
“Or you can ride me senseless,” Nikolai said, rubbing his pelvis. “And warm me up some more.”
But it was hard for Guy to walk away from that. “If I go to you, nothing between us changes, right?” he said, trying not to smile.
“If you want nothing to change, then nothing will change,” Nikolai said.
“Aside from this melting you’ve been doing.”
“Nothing will change between us,” Nikolai said.
Guy exhaled. He knew it was a bad choice. He knew Nikolai would continue to get more and more attached to him. It had happened before. Usually he cut and run, but Nikolai…
Nikolai’s steel blue eyes lingered on him, waiting.
Guy ran his finger along Nikolai’s leg as he approached him. He watched all of the ways Nikolai’s body responded. His eyes rolled back briefly, his muscles tightened, his back arched, the corners of his lips turned upwards with his cock pulsing upwards as well. He lifted Nikolai’s hand away from his pelvis to kiss first his hand then his pelvis.
Nikolai hooked his fingers through a belt loop of Guy’s pants, waiting for him to respond.
Guy knew Nikolai made him feel different than the others. Maybe if he met Nikolai when he was younger, he would have tossed him away like the rest. Or maybe he would have been quicker to keep him. Guy tried not to think too much about it, he was too old to change now. He wasn’t too old for anything else, but he was too old for change.
He kissed the base of Nikolai’s erection, brushing his fingers along the emerging head. Nikolai ran his hand across Guy’s bare back.
Guy pulled away from Nikolai to unbutton his pants. Nikolai kept his hand on Guy’s back as Guy awkwardly removed his pants and boxers. Looking at Nikolai stretched out, watching him, he decided to take the time to peel off his socks too.
“Protection,” Nikolai noted.
“Right,” Guy said.
He dug around in his pants’ pockets to try to find a condom. He tossed it onto Nikolai’s chest. As Nikolai opened the condom, Guy grabbed lubricant from his nightstand. “Let me put it on,” Guy said, pulling the condom from Nikolai’s fingers.
Guy crawled onto the bed, spreading Nikolai’s legs so he could sit on the bed between them. One of Nikolai’s legs curled off the side of the bed. Guy licked the underside of Nikolai’s cock before sliding the condom on. Nikolai ran his hand along Guy’s arm, and Guy took the time to stare into Nikolai’s eyes with the same affection he received.
Guy felt like he should have said something, but he couldn’t find any words. He didn’t want to make it special anyway.
Guy squirted some lubricant onto his hand and spreading it along the condom. Nikolai took Guy’s hand, feeling his fingers turn slick. Nikolai squeezed Guy’s hand gently, his expression staying stiff. Smiling, Guy turned around. Nikolai hoped Guy would be facing him, but he decided he already spoke too much for the evening. Now he just wanted to feel himself inside of Guy. He wanted to hear the assassin groan his name.
Nikolai put a hand on the front of Guy’s thigh and dipped the finger from Guy’s hand into Guy’s ass to spread around the lubricant. He slowly pressed the finger in and out, feeling Guy relax around him. Guy closed his eyes as Nikolai slid another finger into his ass to gently stretch his opening. Guy felt his body shiver, his cock throbbing in the stuffy hotel room air. Nikolai released Guy’s thigh to squeeze his testicles.
“Just slam into me, Niko,” Guy said, gasping. “Don’t worry, I can take it. What I can’t take is your teasing.”
Niko said nothing and tightly grasped Guy’s thighs. He gently pulled Guy onto his erection, but as soon as Guy felt the head of Nikolai’s cock slide into his ass, Guy pressed all of his weight onto Nikolai. Both men clenched their teeth to keep from groaning and both winced from the force. Nikolai felt Guy tighten around him, and Guy felt pain bite into him. But he still wanted things to be faster.
Guy didn’t give Nikolai the time to be gentle as he pulled up only to slam down again, feeling Nikolai hit deeper inside of him as the pain mingled with the pleasure. He gripped Nikolai’s legs and dug his nails in as Nikolai’s long fingers traced along his chest. He slammed down again, grunting as Nikolai tore deeper into him. Nikolai bucked up his hips as Guy slammed down again, Guy groaning as pain shot through him. He should have taken it slow. He’d feel the pain tomorrow. But maybe he wanted to.
Nikolai moaned as he increased his bucking, his hands pushing on Guy’s hips to force him downwards when Guy slowed down. Guy grasped the sheets as he cursed. He closed his eyes to see spots, feeling Nikolai’s length throb inside of him. He felt his ass grinding against Nikolai’s pelvis. He felt himself aching in pleasure and pain and tension. “God damn it, Nikolai,” Guy gasped. “Jerk me off.”
Nikolai chuckled, his fingers teasing the head of his erection. Guy noticed Nikolai slow his pace inside of him to focus his energies on Guy’s erection, so Guy slammed down on him, hearing Nikolai groan in response, feeling Nikolai’s fingers slip off of him.
Guy felt Nikolai’s firm chest against his back as Nikolai whispered against his ear, “How about we keep you from moving around too much?”
Guy shivered as Nikolai ran his tongue along his neck and firmly wrapped an arm around Guy’s chest. One of Nikolai’s legs twisted around Guy’s. Nikolai slammed into him, grabbing the base of Guy’s erection a little too firmly. Guy panted as Nikolai bit his earlobe. He felt Nikolai slam into him, he felt his breath in his hair, he felt his hand jerking him off as the other hand tightened around his chest with a finger teasing his nipple. Guy could barely move, his hands twisted in the sheets, his legs suddenly too tense and heavy to move.
Nikolai began murmuring in his language, a grunt breaking it apart from time to time as he bucked into Guy. Guy groaned freely, Nikolai’s teeth digging into his shoulder. “Stop,” Guy gasped. He couldn’t breathe. Nikolai was absorbing him. Which breaths were Nikolai’s and which were his own?
Nikolai felt Guy spill across his fingers. He moved his hand faster, keeping up his quick rhythm, feeling his own pleasure near its peak.
“Oh fuck. Stop,” Guy groaned again.
Nikolai kissed Guy’s ear, whispering, “I am almost done.”
Guy squeezed his eyes shut. The sound of Nikolai’s skin against his own resembled waves kissing the shore. He was drowning. He groaned again. He heard Nikolai murmur Guy’s name in his strain of Russian. Guy tried to pull away, but Nikolai, misunderstanding, slammed Guy back down onto his erection.
Guy let out a moan as he came across the sheets. He scrambled away from Nikolai, gasping for air. Nikolai didn’t move, his eyes running across Guy. His sheathed erection waved in the air. Guy peeked around at Nikolai as if he expected something horrifying there. Nikolai only offered a cold stare.
Guy offered Nikolai a sheepish grin in reply. “Sorry,” he said. “Let me finish you off.”
“Nothing,” Guy said. At least he wasn’t thinking about a loaded gun in his ass. “Do you want to thrust into me a few more times?”
Nikolai shook his head. Guy spotted blood on the condom and peeled it off to toss it onto the bed. He could feel pain flicker through him and a bit of warm blood slipping out of him. Nikolai exhaled, cupping Guy’s cheek with his hand. Guy swatted it away, taking Nikolai’s erection into his mouth. Nikolai bit his bottom lip, feeling Guy’s hands coil around his hips and ass.
Guy sucked. Nikolai closed his eyes, feeling a sudden exhaustion wash over him. He regretted not stopping when Guy asked for it. Guy should have been groaning his name, but instead the assassin wanted it all to stop – begged for it to stop. He felt Guy’s tongue flick along his shaft. Maybe if Nikolai had stopped, maybe they’d be having a conversation instead of Guy’s mouth being so full of him. He leaned back, folding his arms behind him.
He lied about nothing changing.
And he thought Guy knew it too.
“Stop,” Nikolai said.
Guy only sucked harder, dipping a finger into Nikolai’s ass. Nikolai felt the excitement surge through him again. He felt himself throbbing in Guy’s warm mouth. “Forget my last word, please,” Nikolai gasped. “Please refrain from ever stopping.”
He felt Guy smile against his erection, holding back a laugh. Guy slid another finger into his ass, Nikolai unintentionally bucked into Guy’s mouth. Guy ran his tongue along Nikolai’s shaft and Nikolai tightly grasped Guy’s hair with one hand. He murmured, feeling himself near his peak. Guy continued pumping his fingers into Nikolai’s ass, looking up at him to watch him murmur in pleasure. He hated the way he couldn’t stop smiling.
Nikolai groaned as he came into Guy’s mouth. Guy cleaned Nikolai up in the usual way before kissing his pelvis. Guy crawled off the bed, trying to ignore how Nikolai’s murmurs started working him up again. If he had been younger and hurt less, he wondered if he’d be erect again. Nikolai watched Guy walk away, and he picked up the condom and put it in a Ziploc bag. He put the bag back into his fanny pack.
In the bathroom, Guy wiped his ass and checked the damage. He smiled as he realized he’d been through a lot worse. He stepped out of the bathroom, brushing his teeth. “You want me to order up room service?”
“Are you brushing your teeth for me?” Nikolai asked.
Guy nodded with a smile.
“No room service for me,” Nikolai replied. “Exhaustion bites at my heels. You can order though, I will sleep through it.”
Guy disappeared back into the bathroom. When he came back, Nikolai’s eyes were already closed, his breathing steady. He saw his big secret agent lover wrapped around a pillow, his lips moving as if he murmured silently.
Guy flicked off the light and stretched out on the bed beside Nikolai. He watched Nikolai’s silhouette for a moment and he wondered when the secret agent would leave him. He turned back to stare at the ceiling. As sleep weighed down on him, he could feel himself sinking into the sheets. He wondered if this feeling of drowning would leave with Nikolai or if it would only worsen in Nikolai absence.
“Hey Nikolai,” Guy whispered, staring at Nikolai in the darkness. “Do you like comic books?”
Nikolai’s only response was a heavy breath, and Guy wasn’t sure he minded that he didn’t get a reply. So he sat up, turned on the light beside him, and he pulled a book out of his drawer to read. He didn’t think he’d get any sleep anyway.